Soul Kadhi

Diabolic Agenda!

2008-07-03T18:47:00.003+05:30

I was going through my poems the other day and found this series of poems i wrote on a satanic child or Satan's child! Wonder what had made me initiate writing it, but i guess it is the adolescent anger against the system. (I am still an adolescent if i may declare!)

The first one goes with the princess of some land being abducted and the satanic child is brought to the world through her! I don't think i had realised that it would turn into a series of 5 (and i do want to write the sixth one sometime!) at that time. But man its evil! I surprise myself at times.

But i do believe... Wont be able to write poems like i used to then. All the myriad set of words and their combinational play so as to derive amazing meanings are feelings!

Ah I wish i could write better!

Unity in Diversity!

2008-06-11T20:21:00.002+05:30

I am distributing topics into two blogs now. This one for more personal stuff and moralredundancy.blogspot.com to foolishly criticize, comment and talk about stuff around.... The Intermingling Within and Without! :)

Mumbai

2008-04-24T12:24:00.002+05:30

Yesterday i had to go to thane from dadar, the jam packed central line, where people hanging in the space between the train bogies is a common site. And there i was trying to find which is slow, which is the fast train.. finally i located a train which was starting from dadar, and it was full.

People hanging from the doors, a mumbaikar won't even look twice at them because its usual. But for me its always intimidating and marvelling both at the same time. Intimidating because of the risk and marvelling due to the tenacity of mumbaikars who travel daily in a similar fashion.

I let go two such overful locals!

finally boarded one which was full in the same manner but alteast i could get into it. This is a huge fast exodus. 30 seconds and about 50 people cram into a single bogie and mind you the people get down also in the same 30 seconds.. its maddening.

People push, some fall, luggage is thrown in different directions, fists might fly, shoulders might hit... no wonder we dont like rugby or american football so much... mumbaikars have to do this thing daily.. and yes even ladies have to! of course in the ladies compartment....

By the time i reached, which i found out was a slow train later on, it was already 10 pm. My crumpled shirt which i had forgotten to iron started straightening due to the pressure of people standing next to me. I know this sounds funny and yuck at the same time. Mumbaikars say that you can easily fall asleep without falling down in such full trains... :)

I attended the function and then again started on my way back... at around 12.20 am... Could not wait for long for a train taking me to dadar so took one which stops at Kurla (in between thane and dadar). Went to kurla and took the 12.51 am train to CST. 12.51 am and still quite a number of people in the train.. amazing mumbai.... it never sleeps... it just relaxes for a couple of hours.

I could have taken the cab back to Shivaji park from dadar station but it was 1.10 am and i felt like taking a walk to my room.

Mumbai in the night, taxi cabs along the road with drivers waiting for their fare, streetlights shining the streets polished clean by the heavy traffic, dogs lurking nearby barking occasionally, people like me travelling in the night... and silence.. which reminded me of the Simon n Garfunkel song - Sounds of Silence

Hello darkness, my old friend

I've come to talk with you again

Because a vision softly creeping

Left its seeds while I was sleeping

And the vision that was planted in my brain

Still remains

Within the sound of silence

Mumbai... its a pleasure to see it when its calm and peaceful.. just for a few hours of the early morning.. and then it gets back.. looking forward to another day!

Music

2008-04-19T11:13:00.000+05:30

Thought that i might add in some things about the music i listen to.... enlisting some of my favourite bands...

Audioslave
Led Zeppelin
Megadeth
Metallica
Pink Floyd
Queen
Rammstein
System of a Down
The Doors
Tool

will write some more about music soon....

Another day!!

2008-04-09T09:15:00.000+05:30

All around me are familiar faces

Worn out places - worn out faces

Bright and early for their daily races

Going nowhere - going nowhere

I run towards the bus, the driver tells me not to board from the front... go back... i run to catch and then jump. Take a seat, catch a breath... and exhale myself out... reaching outside, absorbing, trying to fill in the hollow that is me...

an old lady waiting for the bus at the next bus stop, wrinkled face folding years of thoughts, years of feelings, hopes and experiences... memories.... now just waiting for a bus which will take her to another place....

two little kids playing on the street, their mother looking after her other two kids.... love...

a cow tied to a tree on the footpath and its owner selling grass to people who then feed the cow...

people running towards their work... towards the coming day...

i breathe in, see myself... all confused, all scattered thoughts... like a little kid playing the picture mosaic game and misplacing pieces.... the sun in the water... moon in the house.... kids on the clouds....

and i try to channelize.... thoughts which pace and run, and i like a boarder at a station see them like a train moving fast without stopping at my station... and then the next train....

all this while the song Mad World by Micheal Andrews is running in my mind... wonderful song... very touching.... and i run towards the new day....

Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson

Look right through me - look right through me

Vacation!

2008-02-16T10:35:00.000+05:30

Want to write what i feel, but what comes out are some lines of some song.... there is always a song for a particular feeling or if not the words it is the strumming of a guitar or a solo which can be associated with an innermost feeling.

Either that or i am consumed by music and lyrics.

Where are my own words? On a Vacation?

When i need a vacation more, my expressions go on a vacation!

Giant Wheel

2008-01-08T09:48:00.000+05:30

'Lost in the Romance...
...Wilderness and Pain...'

Jim sang with The Doors, the doors from the outside in - or the inside out!

The body, The heart, The mind and The soul.... as abstract as the transition from romance to wilderness and through the doors....

The body as a system runs then feeds the heart, the heart works on its own but feeds the body. A give and take... and inside outside... the mind the next layer, the next strata...helping us overcome the physicallity and go outside and take things inside... Feelings... outside in...

The soul... thats the mystery, The Pandora's box... it goes from inside out and returns back to the core... Who knows what it is... the name of this blog was born of the same question... What is it? Unknown?

A giant wheel in the fun fair of this stage... All the colours, fragrances and visions... all but roundess in revolutions... spectators... just gape and grasp...

The food, The aroma... The juice... The energy... What do they do?

They affect the body and then the heart... Mould the mind... Satisfy the soul... Roundess and fullness... revolutions... centrifugal or centripetal... outside in... inside out... abstractions...

Illusions... deceptions... facts... interveawing... leading to abstraction...

The Doors... the gateway... derailed... but on track... as abstract... as the compromised meanings..

'The blue bus is calling us..
driver where you taking us..'

The Doors... suggesting... encapsulating... in a chrysalis... and releasing into a mist of insanity... curt yet fully dissolved... naked open... and absorbing it all... unrelenting...

Anger at times shows a way towards sanity as easily as it breaks the fence and leads to the blue bus...

Where?

'Can you picture what will be
So limitless and free...'

How?

'Waiting for a strangers hand...
in a desperate land...'

Redundancy.... Repetitions.... Revolutions...
'Save me...Save us'

Pity... shame... stone....
Stoned to sing...

'Come on baby take a chance with us,
meet me at the end of the blue bus'

Again

2007-12-27T14:07:00.000+05:30

Again on the parallel tracks, staring out and looking at another pair of them, but this time am in a different state. Carrying memories from current meets which had rekindled the good old days more strongly than usual.

That was a picnic on those parallel tracks. Schooldays, friends and moments....all now just memories....and all as picnics as compared to the journey of now. We had some innocence, a lot of fire and cheery and adventurous spirit.... we were just clay to be moulded or being moulded on those parallel tracks...

Now each of us stares out our own window, looks out at the parallel tracks and try to look past to where they reach, more often towards the back than in the future... The places they have left, but pictures in our mind. The talks that have evaporated but feelings left with us... Smiling at the corner of our lips, for a minute we stop being Atlases with the burden of the earth, but then these thoughts also move fast as the parallel tracks and leave with a vacuum and we hunt and wait for these lovely memories.

Now we are on our own journey, painting our pictures, sketching our dreams, writing our feelings, listening to the melodies our memories.... our own journey... our own parallel tracks!!

Parallel Tracks

2007-12-24T17:32:00.000+05:30

One amazing thing about travelling from Mumbai to Pune at 6 in the morning is that most things can be observed at their simplest.

After the groggy start from my room to catch the train which was slowly forced with sudden but lazed out rush, i reached the platform somewhat out of breath. And slowly as i inhaled more air to normalize the rythm, i seemed to be inhaling more than just air.....some by sight, some by feel and some through dreamy-and-groggy-yet-hope-wish-desire filled mind. I sipped a coffee to get some daily familiarity into the morning rather than the caffeine.

(from here on i am reverting to the present tense with which i wrote in my exercise book, it went along as i saw...i saw - felt - wrote, though many things i felt i could not put down!)

Soon the train comes, I search my boogie, find my seat and am set. Then the train starts or rather the journey starts. Breezy cool wind blows through the windows and i get to see the darkness around which occupies as much space as the streetlights.

I hunt for the inspiration to put these things down on paper...but where to look for? Then suddenly the train enters a tunnel right after Thane. There is some uneasiness as the same window which shows me the horizon, is now hindered by the somewhat dark walls of the tunnel. The reason for shouting in the tunnel, as little kids do, maybe is to assure and calm the unsettled mind in what to say, 'Hold on, the horizon will be back and you will get to see and observe and dream at length!'. The somewhat unfriendly tunnel also seems to play a part by echoing these shouts and diverting our minds from the unease in an amiable gesture......and the horizon comes back out of the window and i resume my hunt....

I stare outside the window bars. I stare into the kind dawn, the part of the day which gives humans that tender time. Dawn filled with dreams, wishes, stolen moments and soothing silence and blissful peace before the juggernaut rolls into the day!

I see the world outside but the parallel tracks attract most of my attention. The sound of the wheels of the train clanging on them reminds me of their presence and they bring more questions.... are tracks like habits in our journey of life, are they like characteristics that we take along on this journey of life (the larger picture)?

Some tracks are far from us, some close, some on which we travel, some changing along the way, some criss crossing and thus we travel. These help us to turn and even though they take us from place to place, they limit us to the breadth of about a meter between the tracks. The train has to reside on them.....

Are tracks emotions? Why do we refer at times someone with a 'one track mind'? One track? But I see two...Or do they refer to a pair?

What are these tracks? These tracks illuminated by the streetlights, shining and strengthening their presence....

This journey, this travel, the fellow travelers, the Pilgrims to Ithaca............
The Self, the Soul, the Know, the Unknown and the mysteries, moments and memories on these parallel tracks?

A traveler to Ithaca..........A pilgrim to Ithaca.............

In Translation

2007-12-12T14:41:00.000+05:30

This is one of my creations..... When life around with its fullness filled me with vaccuum.... and words crept.... out of meanings.... and kept me busy in..........

In Translation

between
meanings and words
feelings and expressions
am lost

translating
reality and illusions
proclaimed and pure
rational and arousing
am lost

race and rest
defeats and conquests
love and its meaning
mine and not mine

am lost

am lost trying to find myself
lost what i found of myself
found what i lost in time
and time paced

between
sanity and craze
destination and ways
roads and u-turns
am lost

translating
facts and figures
tranquility and triggers
human and instinctive
am lost

between
spiritual and civil
hope and will
freedom and peril
am lost

am lost
in translation

- kedar kulkarni

Questions

2007-12-12T13:45:00.000+05:30

As the fog cleared out over the sea, sleep cleared from my mind with the 'cutting chai' that i was sipping.

The morning well into the sun brought out the agenda for the day and I started sorting it out into clarity. On the way back, I noticed a couple, A man dressed in his office best and his wife (i assume here) who came along to drop him at the gate.

Being far away to actually hear, but close enough to observe; I saw that she remarked something about his shoes. He tried to see what was wrong but she just bent down and removed whatever she felt was not at the right place.

This small act just logged through the still misty clarity and till I reached the room it had rooted.

Act if Love? Small act on a Sunny day? Act with the bright morning faces!

Wonders these questions, is what they are.... this small act triggered many such questions, directly or indirectly related... but lead to the one big one...humans and their minds, actions and their meanings....

What must have been going on through everyones mind? Man, rushing to work and wife removing a speck from his shoes but leaving one on his heart....And me a passerby, maybe with more questions than i can understand... Every question arriving to an answer and then slowly evading it, leading to other........

Questions!!!!